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I like Michelle Obama new edgy haircut.
So I saw this cute girl going down the street with an amazing ass. I was all “DAMN GIRL, YOU GOT AN AMAZING ASS.” She was like “thanks, there’s a sale across the block, I got him there.” Now I have a pet donkey too, he was five bucks and his name is Leopold. And he hates thunderstorms.
when ur wife invites a bee over for dinner and he sits in ur spot
Not paying bills
when two of ur friends are closer to each other than they are to u